


Ache

by Suryaofvulcan



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-26
Updated: 2006-11-26
Packaged: 2018-08-16 07:04:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8092360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suryaofvulcan/pseuds/Suryaofvulcan
Summary: Trip's hurting.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: This little snippet takes place some time between â€˜The Expanseâ€™ and â€˜The Xindiâ€™. It reflects my own experience of depression. I just wish Iâ€™d had my own Malcolm to help me through it.  


* * *

The wave of misery engulfed me without warning, assaulting me like a thousand physical blows. Somehow I staggered my way to the storage bay, and then sank to my knees and sobbed quietly, hoping no-one would find me.

Iâ€™d lost everything. My home. My sister. Even my old friend Jon seemed changed, driven to extreme arrogance and cruelty, eaten up inside by the responsibility heâ€™d taken upon himself. I felt like I barely knew him any more.

And Malcolm. My beautiful, warm, generous lover. Iâ€™d pushed him away, thrown his support and compassion back in his face. Hurt him, deliberately. Brought our year-long relationship to an abrupt end.

Iâ€™d never felt such complete despair.

I closed my eyes and felt hot, silent tears roll down my face. The ache in my heart became unbearable as loss piled on loss, and I curled in on myself, becoming a tight ball of misery as I lay on the floor.

I lost all sense of time as I lay there, trembling and crying helplessly, but even when I became aware of quiet footsteps approaching, I didnâ€™t move.

He didnâ€™t say anything as he knelt down beside me, just began to card gentle, soothing fingers through my hair. For some reason the familiar touch brought on a new bout of much noisier crying even as I crawled up into Malcolmâ€™s strong embrace. I clung to him as if my life depended on it, and he just held me against his chest, rocking me gently and murmuring soothing nonsense into my hair.

A long time later my tears finally subsided, but I didnâ€™t dare move. I just sat there, cradled in Malcolmâ€™s arms, lulled as always by the steady rhythm of his heart.

â€œHowâ€™d you find me?â€ I hiccupped at last, not raising my head.

â€œLieutenant Hess saw you come in here,â€ he said quietly. â€œShe was concerned. When you didnâ€™t come out again she called me.â€

â€œIâ€™m sorry, Malcolm,â€ I whispered.

â€œI know.â€ He seemed to know what I was apologising for, even if I didnâ€™t.

â€œI love you.â€

â€œI know that, too.â€ He paused, as if considering his next words carefully. â€œSo why did you try to end it?â€ His tone was gentle rather than accusing, and he gripped me a little tighter, offering reassurance.

â€œI donâ€™t know.â€ I sniffed, wiping my eyes. â€œI just â€¦ when Iâ€™m with you â€¦ youâ€™ve made me so happy, Malcolm. But what right have I got to be happy when she â€¦ when seven million people are dead?â€

â€œOh, love,â€ he sighed, pressing a kiss to my temple. â€œDid pushing me away make things any easier?â€

â€œNo.â€ My lips trembled as I spoke.

â€œI love you, Trip. I know youâ€™re miserable and youâ€™re hurting right now, but we made a promise - for better or for worse, remember? Iâ€™ll be with you through the bad times as well as the good. And it will get better, love. Itâ€™ll always be there to some degree, but it will get better. You mustnâ€™t feel guilty about that.â€

A few more tears leaked out of me as he said that, identifying exactly what I was feeling even when I couldnâ€™t. But the ache in my heart eased just a little as Malcolm held me safe in his arms.

 

THE END


End file.
